9 Weirdest Things Read On Dating Apps

Dating apps and websites are no longer just for the desperate, they have become an integral part of modern society.

 Tinder, Plenty of Fish, Match.com, Zoosk, Grindr…it is now the norm to meet potential partners in this way and the possibilities are endless.

But that’s not necessarily a good thing…

In a world where instant gratification is thrust on all of us, a Friday night date or whimsical fling is but a Tinder-swipe away.

Yes, there are dating site success stories I could relay to you. But where’s the fun in that?

Let’s have a look at some of the weird and wonderful things we’ve found in the world of online dating.

giphy (3)1. Prince Charming

“I had my face painted on my profile picture ages ago,” Bernadette, Belfast told us. “Some lad messaged me saying ‘That face paint is very becoming on you, although if I was on you id be c***ing too.’ Swiftly blocked.”

Why? I’m all for a forward man, but this is just plain rude.

2. Big Diane Loves It

Stephen also received an unfortunate proposition…

“I was offered use of a glory hole by what was clearly a bloke in a dress going by the name BigDianeLovesIt.”

As far as we know, he declined the offer.

3. Let’s Make Sandwiches Together

It’s not all bad, sometimes a person is just looking for a good conversation. About Nutella.

“I joined tinder for the craic and swiped right to everyone. I ended up talking to a guy about Nutella sandwiches and different ways to enjoy sandwiches. And then spoke to another about how he was a guru chakra healer.” Teana, Belfast.

Whatever floats your boat.

giphy (6)4. Romance Is Officially Dead

“There were some really creepy ones that never lasted more than a week or so on the website.” Maisie, Belfast, told us of her experience in the world of online dating.

“But the best chat up line I got had to be, ‘James, Mark, Sarah, Ben, and Kate are trying to find seats in the cinema. James must sit next to Sarah no matter what. Sarah cannot sit next to Ben. Mark must sit on Kate’s right if Ben sits on the aisle. There must be one seat between James and Kate. If Kate sits on the aisle, would you sit on my face?’”

5. Facepalm

I personally received this gem recently via Plenty of Fish. When will people learn that cheesy chat up lines are not okay?

‘If I had to rate you from 1 – 10 I would rate you as a 9 because I am the one that you are missing.’

6. Should I Be Scared?

‘Your photos make me feel like the big bad wolf…what big eyes you’ve got! ;)’ Received by Sheila, Belfast.

giphy (5)7. Okay…

‘Have to say you look pretty amazing. If you were a fruit you’d be a fineapple.’

I suppose this could be considered quite sweet in an odd way..?

8. Girlfriend Material

And then there was this wonderful Tinder profile description:

‘I’m a neurotic know it all looking down from my pedestal at all you self-absorbed peasants…You’re lucky I’ve even considered such a superficial app but my vagina’s needs supercede my needs for moral triumph.’

9. I’m So Done.

‘I’d love me and my Dad to *OBSCENE REMARK* over your pretty face.’

I think I’ll stick to the old fashioned method of dating. Or become celibate.

giphy (4)

About the Author

Abby Williams
Belfast based author/writer specialising in entertainment, mental health and human interest.