Brenda Shankey might be a household name across Northern Ireland having been photographed at some of the biggest social parties for the best part of a decade.
But behind the 46-year-old’s giant smile and perfectly presented exterior she had been hiding a secret.
Brenda first shot to fame as a Belfast business woman who stepped into the limelight as an advocate for male grooming and personal care. She was regularly called by celebrity agents and concert promoters to work backstage with the stars and even welcomed a whole host of well known names into her salons across the city.
Having trained in hairdressing at North West Institute it was Brenda’s business partnership with her ex-husband that saw her hit the headlines and make a name for herself.
Whilst many that know the Derry woman recognise her stylish exterior and bubbly character little did they know that behind the scenes of the former socialite’s life things were very different.
“Once in the industry I felt an immense pressure to be more than what I was. I never felt thin enough or successful enough” she explained.
“It got to the point where in order to keep up I was eating little, training a lot and eventually after losing three stone in a matter of months I collapsed. My body had had enough.”
The need to “fit in” and the pressure to “be successful” began to take its toll on Brenda.
“I was juggling 35 staff, a family, a business and a public life. I was working hard to be someone I wasn’t and that was hard.
“I loved my job, I loved my family and I loved what I was doing but I was finding it harder and harder to retain it all at once.
“I was a workaholic, I genuinely believed that the harder I worked the happier I would become but the reality is I was in an ever decreasing circle and just becoming more and more depressed.
“And it wasn’t just running a business or a household that was hard. We were in a very competitive industry, I was constantly having to find ways to keep one step ahead of the new competition that was opening daily – some were even people I had trained.”
Over the course of two decades Brenda’s body took a beating as she struggled to maintain the figure she believed would help her “fit in” to her social circle.
“At 21 I was about 16 stone, I looked very different than I do now. At my lowest I lost nearly 50% of my weight and was down at 8 stone 13lbs, I was terribly unhealthy and unhappy, but I thought that’s what I had to be, I wasn’t myself” explained Brenda, adding: “Now I’m 10 stone 5lbs and I feel great. I’m not going to say I don’t still struggle, of course I do, I work hard to maintain a healthy lifestyle and a healthy mind, but now I am happy with who I am and how I look.”
Looking back mother of two (Lauren 16 and Will 15) Brenda realises she had been in the process of a breakdown for a long time.
“It all began when my now 15-year-old son Will was born. I was diagnosed with postnatal depression and I believe that was the first mental health trigger for me” she said.
In the following years Brenda realises the life she was living was not her own and she no longer felt true to who she really was. Eventually she had no choice but to step back from the world she had become accustomed to.
“After I had collapsed about seven years ago I went to the doctor and he dosed me up on Prozac and Diazepam, I knew I needed time away so I went to stay with my dad for a while but I could barely function. The tablets were making me feel numb and what life I had was slipping away.
“I realised I shouldn’t have to feel this numbness in order to have a happy and healthy life.
“That’s when my life changed forever.”
As Brenda struggled with her mental health after the breakdown being put on mind-numbing tablets by her doctor was the final straw. She put all her energy into finding alternative methods of looking after her health.
“I couldn’t function on the tablets” she said.
“I took time off to regroup and I started what was to become a process of self discovery. I knew I wanted peace and happiness in my heart and I searched the internet to find out how I could achieve it.
“I read book after book, I wasn’t searching for religion, I was searching for a way to balance my brain.
“I gave up alcohol for about six years, stepped away from the public social circle and immersed myself in meditation groups. I even stopped doing the TV stuff and turned down requests for press, it was my time.
“I spent more time with my family and the people I wanted to be in my life.”
Finding the therapeutic technique mindfulness was a turning point in Brenda’s life.
“Mindfulness helps people focus on their own awareness in the present moment whilst acknowledging and accepting your feelings, thoughts, and bodily sensations.
“I went on a 10-day silent retreat which was an education that I’d never had in my life – it was the realisation that I was in control and power over my whole self.
“It was during this time that I realised I could change so many things about myself all without tablets.
“I was able to identify my feelings better, understand what was triggering them and make a choice of how best to react in any one situation.
“When you get a glimpse of the peace and tranquility you don’t want to go back. You want to know more and more. I transferred my workaholic nature into the pursuit of my recovery.”
Driven by the need to help people Brenda is now a well known mindfulness counsellor with a specialism in children and teens.
Through her work she delivers mindfulness programmes to a wide range of young people who are struggling with a whole host of problems.
“I’m so lucky to have been given this gift. To be able to help children and young people understand some basic human values and understand how they have control of their own bodies and minds is amazing.”
Not only did Brenda have her own mental health as a driver towards her new goal but behind the scenes she had been struggling to help her sister who was also battling her own demons.
In July last year Brenda’s sister Erin Wilkinson died at just 32 following a battle with alcoholism.
“I never want anyone to suffer the way my sister did” said Brenda.
“I realised that we have to address these issues in childhood and give young people the tools by which to be able to have the strength of mind to cope with anything that life throws at them.
“If I can prevent anyone else ending up like my sister I will. Before she died she begged me to help people, I feel this is my calling now.”
Connect with Brenda Shankey at www.facebook.com/Ladybeeandme or www.twitter.com/brendashankey.