ONE of the hardest things for self employed women to do is to learn the art of self appreciation and self worth in business.
Despite my outward confidence over the years it’s taken me over a decade, to have become a mother and have a career break to accept that not only do I have 20 years experience in media but that I actually do know a thing or two. The days of me having to prove myself are well gone. And thankfully I’ve said goodbye to them.
In the last few years I’ve worked hard to shake off the insecurities that come with being a multi-platform, multi-skilled media professional. I’ve battled throughout my career against how people underestimating my abilities made me feel. From fellow media professionals not taking me seriously because I chose to specialise in showbiz, entertainment and lifestyle as well as trade and business to other professionals in the surrounding industries considering my love of the various mediums within this industry a weakness because they perceived me as a Jack of all trades and a master of none.
But this isn’t a negative thing for me – I’ve achieved more in my career than most people can dream of – in terms of my own ambitions anyway. And, whether others know, care or recognise this is neither of interest to me today nor does it affect how I perceive myself anymore.
Interestingly, I’ve always found that my vibrant enthusiasm for this business of media was often construed as naivety, my willingness to walk out of or away from a job because I won’t compromise my beliefs, ethics or morals deemed foolish and my refusal to conform visually to what people decided was how I should look often meant I was climbing an uphill battle – and it still goes on today despite my two decades of experience, knowledge, expertise and career portfolio.
Somehow, over the years I’ve developed a reputation of being people’s “Oh Shit” call – I’m the person they call when something needs turned around quickly, the one who gets called when the people at the top of the list don’t come through or the one that gets asked for that favour. Despite all my experience and my extensive portfolio I’m not usually the first port of call – and I’m cool with that. I’ve made my peace with it – after all, that reliability and reputation for always delivering against the odds and the fact that people know I put 1000% into every project I undertake no matter how big or small leaves me with a great sense of pride in what lies behind me and what I hope to create in front of me.
So why am I writing about this for #LearnuaryNI? Thanks to the wonderful Christine Watson of TrainingMatchmaker.com, #LearnuaryNI has become a time of reflection for me where I’ve sat back and really considered what I’ve learnt over the years – and I’m really quite proud of myself. Sounds a bit egotistical doesn’t it? But that’s exactly one of the things I’ve learnt in recent years – to acknowledge my achievements and to stop feeling apologetic for publicly being proud.
I sat back and thought long and hard about all my clients over the years today – those editors who supported me my whole career, those who took a chance on me and those who saw past what others construed as being negative and recognised what I had to offer and took a chance on me.
Then I realised something very scary and actually quite upsetting. In fact I’m going to go so far as to say I’ve truly learnt (or maybe just recognised) something. In 20 years I can count on one hand the number of women who gave me a break, who saw past my “alternative” look and who embraced my unique brand of over excitement for even the most mundane project. I realised that the great majority of my opportunities were given to me by men in the media and surrounding industries.
Of course we could argue that the gender gap in media had something to do with it – and maybe it had. But that doesn’t explain the fact that I can count on one hand the number of times I’ve felt under-appreciated, judged, misjudged and belittled by men in business. Yet, countless times I’ve found myself upset and angry and frustrated at how I’ve been treated by women in the business. In recent years I was even subjected to a campaign of bullying by a female superior and I didn’t even recognise it because it never dawned on me that how I was feeling was as a direct result of being made to feel second-rate in comparison to my male counterpart who was treated like a king.
It also doesn’t take away from the fact that it is 9 times out of 10 women professionals who contact me asking for a professional favour. Then when I explain that it wouldn’t be possible to do it for nothing, that some kind of contribution financially would be needed they tell me they have no budget and within days or weeks of this contract another professional to do the job, or part of the job they wanted me to help them out with.
So, what have I learned? What do I hope other businesswomen will take from this post?
1. Never ever care about conforming
If you don’t already do it naturally you should embrace the opportunity to stand out. Don’t make the mistake I did and make yourself miserable trying to retain your identity whilst trying to fit in.
2. Never expect to be treated better by one sex or another
Having been brought up by a prolific feminist who was my idol growing up and still is to this day, I mistakenly believed in some sort of un-said force of female solidarity. It may exist elsewhere but it certainly doesn’t in business. Don’t be fooled into believing it does. Do business with both sexes equally, don’t expect anything less.
3. Choose your favours wisely
If someone who is not your friend or family member asks you for a professional favour that will result in you having to use your knowledge, skills or expertise weigh up the pros and cons before answering. Simply do not waste your time unless you and the other person stand to benefit equally from the arrangement.
4. Always know and recognise your financial worth
Never ever measure your worth by what people expect to pay you. Measure it by what you expect to be paid and then you can decide whether you’re willing to work for a discounted rate if you want.
5. Be excited about everything you do
If you don’t get a surge of adrenaline or a chill up your spine or butterflies in your stomach why would you bother? Seriously, sit yourself down and ask yourself are you really in love with your job or your project. And if you aren’t – ditch it. Something else will come along if you’re willing to do the work.
Thank you to TrainingMatchmaker.com for the opportunity to join your #LearnuaryNI campaign.