As Valentine’s Day approaches, many singletons are preparing themselves for the onslaught of awkward “so why are you still single?” questions from friends and family. If you are the friend or family member who asks these questions, it’s worth remembering that Valentine’s isn’t all love hearts and teddy bears for everyone. While some people celebrate their relationship on Valentine’s Day, many others are simply reminded of being single, or feeling lonely.
If you are single this Valentine’s, and want to take action to reignite your love life, the owner of professional matchmaking agency Soirée Society NI, Claire Hughes, has some suggestions:
1. Don’t Wait Around
The chances of Prince Charming, or Princess Charming for that matter, knocking on your door to ask you out is pretty slim. You might think that having a good social life and going out with friends means you are putting yourself out there, but it takes a brave man or woman to break into a group to start up a conversation, never mind ask you out.
An alternative way to meet someone is through online dating, and although there are plenty of online dating sites to try, they’re not for everyone. Claire said, “We’re finding more and more people dislike the lack of confidentiality of online dating, or they have become disillusioned with the results”.
“Even though we work for our clients to help them find a partner, we always recommend that they do everything they can to increase the chances of making it happen for themselves. There are some great Meet-Up groups across the province, and we are often surprised at how few people know about them.”
Search for Meet-Up groups in your area online to connect with like-minded people, such as running clubs, book clubs, singles groups, cycling teams, and much more.
2. Dress To Impress
When you’re going out, Claire says you should “dress as if you’re going to meet your ex”. She explains, “If you thought you were going to bump into an ex on a night out, you would make sure you’re looking your best. Putting some effort into your appearance makes you look good and feel great, which gives you confidence, and it shows.”
3. Get Connected
Consciously smile and say “hello” to at least three people you don’t know each day. “It’s amazing how good you feel when people smile back” said Claire, “and it’s another way to boost your confidence”.
4. Make a Style Statement
Get to know your body and your look. Wearing flattering clothing, in the right colours for you, can make a significant difference to your overall appearance, and can also massively impact how you feel. Declutter your wardrobe, and even consider booking an appointment with an Image Consultant or Personal Shopper for some guidance.
5. Love Yourself First
Your relationship with yourself is very important. We commonly focus on our weaknesses, but instead you should concentrate on what makes you great. Write down three thinks you like about yourself, and they don’t have to be physical! Are you a good conversationalist? Are you kind, a good friend, or quite witty? Think positive thoughts, and acknowledge your great attributes.
6. Ask Questions
When meeting someone, especially for the first time, ask questions about them and what they love to do, instead of just focusing on what you want to say. To be interesting, you have to be interested. Claire says, “Remember, to be interesting, you have to be interested.”
7. Look To The Future
When meeting someone new, too many people talk about and focus on their past, which puts a block up to the future. Don’t talk about the past too much until you get to know someone. It’s natural to share your past with each other eventually, just not on the first few dates.
8. Make Room For Love
“We find that so many singles say they want to find love but they are so used to being on their own, they often let work and their existing single lifestyle stand in the way”, said Claire. “It’s great to have a social life, friends, a career, and your own hobbies and interests, but if you keep putting them first, you could give the impression that you’re not interested in dating, and you may stay single for a lot longer.”
9. Get Rid of “The List”
Everyone has “the list” – qualities and attributes that they envision their “perfect” partner having. People are not products and don’t come in perfect packages. It’s fine to have an idea of what your ideal partner would be like, but try not to stick rigidly to desired criteria.
When it comes to online dating, don’t judge people on their photos alone. Look at couples you know who are in loving relationships or are happily married, and you will see that the majority of them have something special that often overrides physical looks.
10. You Don’t Have A Type
There is a myth that people have “a type” – be careful of this, as your type is often based on your previous relationship experiences, which means you are destined to be attracted to the same kind of people you have already dated, and broken up with. Try not to reject someone based on the perceptions you make of them from photos or a short bio alone. Be open to meeting new people, and give second dates a chance. It’s rare that you will find someone and have that elusive chemistry right away from that first coffee.
Claire’s final piece of advice? “If you’re looking for romance, don’t just wait until your boat comes in, but swim out to meet it.”
You could start by employing a Matchmaker, who has your best interested at heart, to work with to help you find someone special. Find out more at www.soireesocietyni.co.uk
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