I would not describe myself as a needy person at all but I have to admit I could not imagine a life without my friends. Some of the best quotes that I have heard regarding friends include the following:
“One of the most beautiful qualities of a true friend is to understand and be understood” (Lucius Annaeus Seneca).
“It is one of the blessings of old friends that you can afford to be stupid with them” (Ralph Waldo Emerson).
Childhood friends: one of the greatest aspects of growing up on a council estate was the fact that it truly was a close knit community within itself. The friendship groups were usually defined by age range. From cycling almost 20 miles on summer days to the closest beach, to street sports days (arranged by groups of children, it’s important to note that some of the families were so large they would put the Olympic Romanian gymnastics squad to shame).
Regardless of the weather, we always found ways to occupy ourselves, it was an incredible time, and you were never lonely. I actually feel sad for the children of today that they missed out on such an active and fun upbringing. I’d say it was reassuring for our families to know that our friend’s parents would always ensure we were fed, safe and happy.
It genuinely brings a smile to my face when I see some of the places where we used to play, or when I meet a childhood friend, knowing that those days will have in some way shaped who we are today. Many of our families were made up of single parents and often low income, not that we cared. We made use of whatever we had; rope swings around a lamppost, peg guns, baby baths/ oven trays were our sleighs in the snow, such innocence.
Mixed sex friendships:
It angers me so much when I hear people say that boys/ girls, men or women cannot be friends in the absence of some ulterior motive. To these people, I think you need to look at your own motives in regards to how to form attachments. I have always been and I still am lucky enough to have incredible women in my friend circle.
What I will say and have always believed is that friendship should be and often is the cornerstone of a blossoming relationship, a fact that should be celebrated. However, I and many of my male friends with whom I share female friends in common feel protective or class the relationship as more of a sibling type bond.
Some of my friends are some of the most beautiful women in the country but even when I was still in relationships with women, I would never have looked at them in a sexual manner as it would have seemed strange and weird. I have actually called time on perspective relationships because they objected to my female friends.
The beauty of having female friends is that they can explain aspects of relationships and life from a female perspective. Maybe for me, I have always had a true love and respect for women and have always valued their company and perspectives. But I honestly feel that mixed sex friendships are common place in modern culture. In saying that, I know that there is nothing better than time with “the boys” or respectively, time with “the girls” for my female friends.
Before I bring this point to a close, I just wanted to discuss my female/ male friends that I have met via my nurse training, whilst working as a nurse and within community based healthcare. Anyone who has or still works in healthcare will know how incredibly stressful it is. Strong friendships can propel a healthcare working environment into the stratosphere or if close working friendships are lacking, it can cause moral to crumble.
I have been very lucky to work with an incredible group of compassionate individuals. Healthcare is continuing to become more diverse in regards to more male staff entering the profession, which I feel has really helped to promote a more dynamic/ holistic approach to care. What I will say is that witnessing the conversations groups of women have would cause the baby Jesus to weep, I jest, humour is incredibly important in the care industry.
The true nature of friendship: To avoid the possibility of offending anyone, I will not list the names in regards to my truest and longest serving friends and you all know who you are. What I know for sure in regards to friendship is what is true for all relationships; they are a partnership that requires give and take, love, understanding and forgiveness. I believe that people enter our lives at exactly the right time, maybe for a lifetime, or maybe to guide you through a certain life stage.
Yes, without a doubt, it’s incredibly sad when friendships become distant or come to an end. Past experiences have shown me that, instead of feeling bitter or being resentful, instead try being grateful for the memories that you shared with this individual(s). In reality, if they are a true friend, your friendship will prevail.
Sometimes we can only see our own selfish needs and desires in regards to friendships, but we are all on our own path, the road blocks that may appear in our personal relationships can eventually lead to a renewed appreciation of your friendship and ultimately a stronger bond.
Unfortunately some people are incredibly self serving; a friendship should never be to one party’s detriment/ benefit. If a friend isn’t pushing you forward, they belong behind you, firmly in your past. On the same note, true friends value honesty, we may not like what our friends say at times, but it’s important to remember that when they give us advice or discuss their concerns, this will be from a place of concern or love.
True friends will never just offer just critique; they will offer their ear/ shoulder and unfaltering support. Human nature dictates that will not always agree with every individual we meet in life. However, friends in common should always be unified in their love and respect for that individual that has enriched their life.
Asking someone to choose between friends often ends unfavourably for the petitioner, as your lack of compassion can be the deciding factor. Friendship should never be defined, restricted or dismissed on the basis of income, age or lifestyle; friendship should be based on mutual respect.
On a more positive note, when I think of my friends a wealth of memories flood my mind. The word gratitude springs to mind, as we have carried each other from darkness to light, we have shared tears/ laughter and shenanigans in equal measure (some which are not suitable for print). You are all imprinted in my heart/ mind and soul for eternity.
One in particular, is etched in my skin as Rudie Damijo stabbed me with a pencil in primary three and we were never able to remove the lead. I am so thankful for your love, honesty and council. I hope we will continue to share even greater memories in the years to come. Some of us do not to get to see each other near enough, but that is the mark of a true friendship, it feels like you have never been apart when you unite with genuinely true friends.
Emmette Dillon (BAM Magazine)