So what is happiness? Isn’t that the age old question, well without a doubt, it is very much subject to our own interpretation of the word its self and how do we define the measure of happiness. For me, it is a marathon not a sprint, and it’s about finding happiness in aspects of daily life married with progress towards life goals that bring one’s self prescribed sense of accomplishment and contentment.
Does happiness mean that life will be perfect, a state that exists minus trauma and sadness, I am afraid that this is very much the stuff of fairy tales. Regardless of what some questionable self help books will promise the vulnerable souls who seek the holy grail of happiness within their many flowery chapters, happiness begins within.
Do not get me wrong, there are some fantastic publications that offer therapeutic exercises based on behaviour change models that can enlighten the mind and give a platform to facilitate a personal awakening. Believe it or not, happiness is achievable but only if you set out with a “SMART” approach:
- Specific – what is it you define as happiness (for right now, in the coming weeks and for the future in general)or what does your “happy” entail?
- Measurable – How will assess your progress ( keep a diary/ checklist etc)
- Achievable – This can be made up of lots of little goals along with an action plan that will make them more attainable.
- Realistic – Dream big but failure can often result in a sense of frustration founded in setting unrealistic goals.
- Timely – Set time scales in regards to fulfillment, these can boost morale and discipline.
One of the greatest quotes that I have heard in regards happiness is by Marcus Aurelius (121-180 CE) who discusses the following:
“Very little is needed to make a happy life; it is all within yourself in your way of thinking”
Look, I don’t and will never profess to know any or all of the answers; I am merely sharing what I have found to be helpful. Can I say that I am happy all of the time? No, not at all, even as I sat down to write this piece, I battled with self-doubt, but creative ventures are an integral element of my happiness, creativity is in a sense, my happy place.
For me, failure and sadness are inseparable from happiness. Often it’s only in the depths of sadness that we realise that things have to change. Personal traumas can actually be the “Eureka!!!” moment, because, when we reach rock bottom and realise that the only way is up, we gain clarity as to who and what is important in life.
My mum always was, is and will always be my greatest source of inspiration. Not only was she a beautiful lady but she thrived in the face of adversity. Yes, she shed tears, had bad days, and at times she wanted to give up. But she never saw problems or issues in isolation, she was implicitly proactive and gave equal acknowledgement to potential solutions. So here is what works for me, maybe it will work for you or inspire you to develop your own “Happy Plan”.
Positivity:
Positivity is a choice and a mindset, it not a given. As someone who has lived with anxiety and depression for many years, likely a lot longer than I even realised, I understand that Its incredibly easy to be negative and bloody hard to be positive. Switching on the news, scrolling down your news feed, let’s be honest you will be inundated with reminders as to how cold and cruel the world can be, feel good stories simply do not make the cut with producers the vast majority of the time.
What I find it the best way to start the day is to repeat to yourself “today will be a good day”, your prefrontal cortex is responsible for free choice, so as we change our mindset, we influence, strengthen and weaken the connections in the brain. The more we repeat a thought, whether positive or negative, the stronger the neurological pathway becomes. So bluff your way happy or “fake it until you make it”.
I find that even when I encounter problems during the day, if i am in a positive mindset, I genuinely find solutions are more easily identifiable. I honestly find that positivity is infectious, try it, make an effort to smile at the people you meet or work with and see how naturally people will smile back or respond positively. If possible disassociate yourself or limit your exposure to negative people.
Obviously this can be difficult in a work environment, what i do when someone is constantly moaning/ groaning or going through their “woe me” routine. I will paraphrase back to them as to what their concerns are to convey empathy, offer solutions or advice when possible. If that doesn’t work, I will simply say “I hope you feel better soon” and switch off. Negative people physically drain you and the environment around you, I always try to repeat an old proverb of “not my monkeys, not my circus” and visualise a barrier between their energy and mine, and it’s simply a visual aid that I find helps.
Meditation:
Now I do not expect you to be sat legs crossed, levitating above the rug below you. Meditation can be as simple as turning off your phone, playing some soothing music, lying on top of your bed with the lights dimmed or with some candles burning. Simply close your eyes and try to clear your mind. Easier said than done, believe me I know, but persevere and i promise it will be one of the best things you ever do. There is a wealth of programs available via YouTube and on the app store.
Holistic Care: For me, exercise is a life saver, look you do not need to be a gym bunny, even a ten minute walk in a park, filling your lungs with fresh air or walking near water is beyond therapeutic. What we put into our body has a knock on effect on your mood (take time to look at the links between high sugar diets/ processed foods and anxiety/ depression). Everything in moderation is key, as is meal prep when possible.
Equally important is not depriving yourself of your favourite treats now and again, believe me you will enjoy them more as a reward once a week and believe it or not you will come to the realisation that you don’t need high sugar, high caffeine food/ drinks every day.
Try Something Old/New:
reflect back on your childhood or even to previous years and reconnect with the activities/ hobbies that centered your mind or filled you with joy. This year, I intend to get back into long distance running and horse riding. Why not indulge in a new hobby or activities e.g. take up a leisure activity, pick up a new book or learn a new skill.
Not only will you attain a sense of achievement but you may make new friends or re-connect with old friends. Sleep, oh my good god I cannot stress the importance of sleep, develop a healthy bed time routine e.g. limit exposure to caffeine, switch off from technology, and make an effort to go to bed early.
Follow your own advice: Sometimes we are excellent in handing out absolutely fantastic self help advice to friends or family (I am guilty as charged). In modern society, it is so easy to be self critical, we tend to dismiss our right to be happy, do not apologise for loving yourself. You matter and you deserve to be happy. Make tomorrow the first day of your journey towards happiness, I can promise you that It will not be easy and their will bumps in the road. However, if you dust yourself off, keep going, reflect often, the rewards will far outweigh the challenges along the way.
Emmette Dillon
(BAM Magazine)