Anyone who knows me will testify to the fact that losing my mum has been my Everest. As it has been a unified experience for all involved, my brothers, my dad, aunties and uncles. Thankfully, I have an incredibly strong man in my Daddy, Liam McFadden.
When it came to the point of loss, he attained strength that could only have been heaven sent. He made sure that everyone had their chance to say their goodbyes; thankfully I had Pádraig and Siobhán to look after me.
At the time was i ignorant to the loss of others? Likely yes, regardless of family fall outs, arguments, miscommunication, we all shared the same loss. I am glad that we all held our composure despite our differences and ensured my mum had the send off that she deserved.
It’s only on reflection that you attain clarity as to the viewpoint of others, you understand what were misunderstandings at the time. Certain aspects of life I will never forgive but I can and will forget, I will freely, because negativity is the biggest cancer that exists in this world.
So, see loss as a point of mutual respect, as an opportunity to ascertain clarity regardless as to how much time has passed. Don’t forgive the unforgivable, because that will be demeaning. But be compassionate/ empathetic and understanding where possible and forgive freely. The phrase ‘forgive freely’ has duality, it allows you to forgive another whilst setting yourself free, what greater gift is there.
Loss heightens emotions, but suppresses them equally as a roundabout defensive mechanism, aligning your hurt with the dissatisfaction/disappointment you feel towards those who should have had your back.
It’s only now, four years later that I am beginning to let go. Yes, my heart breaks with every picture that is taken down. Yes, I get annoyed when it seems as if my mum has slipped people’s memory. Yes, I hate myself for not being able to remember her voice. But, if I honour the belief system that I value, then I must recognise that she will never leave. She will guide us always.
I have to let her do her own thing in the world of light. I need to stop being selfish and let her be free. I know she will love us always and has sent people into our world to take care of us. I miss you mother bear and I don’t want to let you go but today, I set your soul free, visit as often as possible but, I set you free. To keep you close, in my thoughts, to guide my actions and to intercede when you need to are all we ask, honour your memory is the promise we make, unconditional love will be our constant XX
Always Beside Us
 Always beside us, although you are not here by my side, I know you truly never left. Every now and then can you give us a sign, a penny, a feather, or maybe even our song on the radio? Although I am happy that the pain is gone, the suffering is no more, the cracks on our hearts grower wider and deeper with every passing day, bridged only by the memory of your love and strength.
We miss your voice more than anything, it scares me when I can’t remember the tone, but we miss the silly conversations, your advice and your honesty. But although your there in the world of light, never truly gone or out of sight. Just remember that your husband and boys only ask one thing, that you will always be with us, beside us for as long as it takes until we see you again
Our promise is to laugh, create new memories that you will no doubt participate, we will strengthen our bonds with the friends and family that you left in your steed. Positivity, honesty and compassion, every virtue, the men we will endeavour to make true. So send the signs from heaven, visit us in your dreams, we wish you nothing but happiness, hearts bursting with pride, bursting at the seams!!! XX
Love Always
Your Family
Emmette Dillon
(BAM MAGAZINE)