As I have alluded to before, love is one of the most basic human desires, but more and more frequently we hear that, the quest to find the “one” has become increasingly difficult despite a multitude of online dating platforms.
Now, I am not suggesting that every person who uses online dating platforms are necessarily looking for love, some people are simply seeking out company, casual sex, for these people, it’s simply a search for “Mr/ Miss Right Now” opposed to “Mr/Miss Right”.
No judgement here, I completely understand that this generation is very much the generation who have re-designed the notion/ timeline as to attaining life goals. So online dating can be enacted with ease, selecting a date for the evening can be as quick and convenient as ordering a taxi from Uber.
Sounds great, yes/ no? Well that’s open to interpretation I suppose. Let’s be honest, sometimes a takeaway is fast, satisfying, now and again. But should we set the bar so low when it comes to self perceived standards in regards to sex/ romance and love? What is sacrificed? Well in my opinion, chemistry, anticipation and mystique.
I very much believe that anything worth having requires effort. The last time I have witnessed any courting type behaviour was in a David Attenborough documentary. Is it not a commonly held view that technology is supposed to simplify, enrich and empower? However, for me, when it comes to dating, technology tends to exacerbate, isolate the user and impede the process of finding a suitable partner.
I actually feel that these platforms contribute to increasing levels of anxiety, Body Dysmorphic Disorders and cause stagnation in regards to the ability of modern society to form healthy attachments.
I believe this to be the case because these platforms create a buffet style mentality were there are very little in the way of limitation, they encourage a culture of instant judgement. Thus leading to changes in attitudes/ dating etiquette which has led to a sense of entitlement, desire for instant gratification to the detriment of morality.
Look, I am not the morality police; I am simply speaking from my own experiences and views of friends etc. In my view, these platforms most definitely have a place in society, but as in all aspects of a relationship, their use should be based primarily on truth. Rightly so, some profiles are very matter of fact, someone who simply seeks a date, or no strings attached sex.
What I cannot abide, is those charlatans who play on the more traditional daters who seek a genuine connection and the prospect of a genuine relationship. I have known people who purposely navigate the garden path in order to blind sight some unassuming individual; tell them exactly what they want to hear in order to get them into bed.
Yes, accountability, common sense and savvy should be exercised by all parties, but for me, it’s frankly disgusting to toy with emotions. The best advice that I would offer is to be honest as to what your expectations are, do your research when it comes to perspective suitors. There are wealth of sad individuals who create fake profiles simply for the fun of it, I have had messages from friends who have alerted me to fake profiles using my images or pretending to actually be me.
Ultimately, if it sounds too good to be true, it often is. If the individual shows no intention of progressing to meeting in person or communicating via a more traditional means of communication, then alarm bells should sound immediately. Look what harm is there in exchanging some flirty messages with a like minded individual, who doesn’t like to receive a compliment/ confidence boost.
Again, it’s about going into the online dating process with your eyes open, for some people it’s merely a game/ hobby. Where do I even start with the validity of dating profiles? For me, there is nothing that casts doubt as to someone’s motives and character when their profile is laden with overly edited images or dubious facts about themselves.
I remember going on one tinder date in particular, when the girl tapped me on the shoulder I was genuinely perplexed. She was nothing like her profile at all; she was beautiful but most definitely not the same person based on her images. This young lady obviously picked up on this and immediately discussed that she is met with the same reaction all the time.
As the evening progressed it was obvious that she was simply playing the character that she had created on her profile. Politely, I asked to speak to the person and not the profile. It transpired that once the mask fell, she was warm, endearing and was simply portraying someone that she thought prospective partners would want her to be. We discussed that this was a fruitless venture, not only would it be emotionally exhausting but ultimately the facade would falter.
Yes, select an image(s) that make you feel confident but stay clear from uploading your first communion pictures or those from a time when you were once more athletic or in a different age bracket. On the age topic, why lie, if someone is going to reject you on the basis of your age, then they do not deserve your time, delete and get back on that tinder horse.
As someone who has experienced online dating platforms aimed at the gay community, I have to say that it was a shock to the system. Casual hook ups could be a 9-5 role if you wanted. The volume of married men who are quite open to the fact that they are seeking to experiment with discrete individuals was mind blowing, I have encountered one or two very well known public figures that have used such platforms as a beard, allowing them to have the best of both worlds, something I personally do not agree with.
This brings me to the topic of ‘nudes and videos’. I cannot and will never understand the stupidity of people sending explicit content online. Like most spur of the moment decisions, they were a great idea at the time, but you may come to regret your actions, how often do we here of revenge porn cases, or people posting content online, simply because they can, minus any consideration for the subject’s private life or career.
I am very much of the mindset that if you wouldn’t want your parents to see it do not post or send it. Then we have to consider the issue of safety, some of the most popular dating apps assign potential matches due to locality. Hence why it is so important to never give away your personal address, meet in a public place and always let a loved one or a friend know where you will be meeting your dad and always have an exit strategy.
How have we lost our way so abruptly? We have and often do surrender our responsibilities in regards to finding a suitable match, instead we have allowed apps, computer program based suitability formulas/ algorisms to commandeer what should be an exciting/ butterfly inducing prospect.
The modern day Cinderella story would be far from magical, likely it would be uninspiring. in lieu of a ‘Fairy God Mother’ conjuring up a carriage from a pumpkin or glass slippers, these traditional offerings would be replaced by the gift of a Tinder profile and a tutorial as to the best to filter one’s behind using Instagram or 365 (other editing apps are available).
Cinderella would likely never had attended the ball in the first place, as she was too busy taking selfies to update her various dating profiles, became annoyed as prince charming had not ‘super liked’ her profile, or due to the fact that she had other options, as Aladdin had just posted some attractive nudes.
Yes, although I may have seemed cynical at times but I am now in a relationship that was born of an introduction via social media, which led to conversations and in time a friendship. This friendship then blossomed into the greatest relationships that I have ever experienced.
It’s funny, one of the things we initially had in common was the fact that we hated to dismissive/ judgemental nature of online dating. So yes, these platforms can work as an introduction, but ultimately, chemistry and a desire to get to know an individual that creates a relationship.
I honestly feel that there is very much a turning of the tide against online dating; even these companies themselves have begun to set up local networking nights. If we can take five minutes to set up an online profile, then why can we not go back to basics, smile at someone, say hello and engage in conversation.
Traffic light/ speed dating nights are experiencing resurgence, is this due to their light hearted and fun premise? Well yes, but I feel that this is the case because we as human beings crave interaction and I believe that we are becoming bored with the online profiles and tired of a keyboard third party.
Emmette Dillon
(BAM Magazine)