With festival season in full swing you can be sure the ‘usual suspects’ will be out in full force.
And whether you’re the sensible one or the one everyone ends up looking for doesn’t matter because at every festival you’ll find a whole host of people that range from the fun friends and melters to the downright creepy.
Check out these 7 people you’re likely to meet at a festival this year…which one are you? Tag a mate and tell them which one they are!
1. ‘The Lost One’
We all know ‘the lost one’. They go on a ‘wee dander’, ten minutes later you’re trying and failing to call them, on the verge of a mental breakdown and contemplating sending out a search party when they eventually decide to pick up the phone to inform you they’re at the toilets at the back and you have to weave your way through the crowd to reunite yourself with them.
After the relief of finding them subsides you are likely to become very angry at them when you eventually realise you have spent most of the time trying to find one another and have ended up missing half of the acts. To avoid having a ‘lost one’ in your group, consider a leash to keep them close wouldn’t be a bad idea.
2. ‘The Dodgy One’
There’s one everywhere you go. The guy or girl that just gives you the heebie jeebies every time they looks at you, speaks to you or comes near you. They saunter on up to you and your friends, and attempt to have some ‘flirty banter’ when in reality they are just using a cringy chat up line or crude joke that makes YOU scundered for THEIR life.
No matter how many times you try to wriggle free from their grasp they clench their fist and don’t let you go. If you’ve never encountered the ‘dodgy one’ it’s probably you!
3. ‘The Parent’
This person should be given a knighthood. ‘The parent’ plan the night down to a T, with a minute by minute schedule of the evening ahead. They’re the one who arranges how you’re getting there and back, what ID you need to bring with you and ensures everyone has their tickets.
They are also known as the ‘Minder’ or ‘Responsible One’, they ‘take one for the team’ by wearing a bum bag, not for fashion but to store everyone’s phone, money and ID. They take pride in guarding their young flock making sure no one goes off for a ‘wee dander’ and no one blacks out.
This person is ESSENTIAL to the night going well.
4. ‘The Steamin’ One’
Ah the ‘steamin’ one’. The one who just keeps saying they had ‘the best night of their life’ despite spending most of their night either, at the bar getting a drink, at the bathroom throwing up or lying sleeping on the ground.
Not only that, but they probably don’t even remember it!
They are fun for the time which they are tipsy, cracking jokes left, right and centre but when they go beyond that, they are a right pain. They’re stumbling around like a person looking for their glasses in the morning and don’t have a baldy of what is going on around them.
If possible avoid having a friend liable to getting impressively drunk, it’s a hard night’s work!
5. ‘The Self-ie Lover’
‘The self-ie Lover’ is the person who loves them self so much, they feel the need to show the whole world that they are ‘having a great time’, or ‘OMG look at me’ by posting to all their socials before they go to the concert, during the concert and even after the concert!
The person in question, buy tickets to every single festival just so they can get nice pictures. They must have a new outfit for every single one and must have an A List photo shoot with friends before to get that ‘new Facebook profile pic’ or ‘candid Instagram shot’.
They film the majority of the evening, jumping between the act on stage and shots of them and their friends dancing to show how amazing their night is. If you have a ‘Self-ie Lover’ in your group have your glad rags and fake grins at the ready, it’s going to be a long night!
6. ‘The Fake Fan’
AKA the ‘Spoil sport’. The person who buys a ticket to a concert without knowing a single song of the artist, rocks up and huffs the whole evening saying they ‘want to go home’ about 5 minutes in and ends up writing on Facebook that it was ‘brutal’ and the ‘worst night of my life’ when in reality if they had listened to the music beforehand they would know what to expect!
To avoid having this person ensure all your group know at least 3 songs or you may end up in jail that evening after losing the plot and punching the ‘fake fan’ for being a melt.
7. ‘The Mega Fan’
This person is hardcore. They first persuade their friends to go to their favourite artist then drag them to the venue about three hours before the gates open just to ensure they get to the front. Once ‘The Mega Fan’ is at the front that’s them for the night. They are truly skilled festival goers.
They eat beforehand so they don’t need to desert their precious space at the barrier; and bring water with them so they don’t faint and they have the bladder of a camel; going to the toilet before they leave and not going again until they are home.
Once their spot is secured they whip out their signs for their favourite artist and spend the evening singing every word of every song after researching and rehearsing the setlist for hours upon end in their bedroom. If you’re going with a ‘Mega Fan’ you may want to sharpen up your knowledge of the artist or you’ll feel well wick.