We continue our Life Through My Eyes series by talking to Hannah from South Belfast. Things had been tough from the get go for Hannah*, growing up without her father and having problems with her mother who was a drug addict. For those who may not know drugs and particularly addiction to them are a widespread epidemic sweeping the nation at the moment. A drug is any substance that, when inhaled, injected, smoked consumed or absorbed causes a temporary psychological change in the body. Once hooked on drugs it is very hard to get off them. Some people who are addicted don’t believe they are sick, they don’t see that they are hurting their family.
With her challenging upbringing it would have been very easy for Hannah to go off the rails and lose her way in life, but that was not the case. Hannah continued to work extremely hard at school despite the chaos surrounding her and as an intelligent pupil with a burning desire to succeed in life she was determined not to let these issues affect her obvious academic potential, recently acquiring outstanding marks in her GCSEs despite never having the luck of the draw with her situation at home.
I recently caught up with 16 year old Hannah as she shared with me her inspirational story of how she grew up with a drug addict and whilst her family life seemed to be crumbling to pieces she stood tall and did not cave in.
This is Hannah’s Life Through My Eyes story: Not My Addiction
LM: What issues/problems have you had to face in your life?
H: “The biggest issue I faced was probably my mum’s drug addiction. She would leave me and my younger sister at home alone, at night and would go out and do whatever she was doing. She practically left me to raise my sister, who was very young at the time on my own. I would change her nappies, feed her bottles and clean up after her, I took on the role of her mother where there wasn’t an adult there to protect us. I felt vulnerable and trapped.
“There then came a point in my life when I refused to stay at home and instead begged to stay with my grandparents. When asked why I refused to give a reason because at such a young age you are taught never to question what an adult was doing so I thought that telling the truth to them, about what my mother was doing would get me and her in trouble.”
When did they begin and then start to really to get bad?
“They began when I was around 7, but things really started to go downhill around a year later when my mum’s addiction got out of hand. She sold everything I owned at the time; the TV, games, consoles and so on in order to feed her addiction.
“Then through the years as I got older and became more aware of what drugs were and the damage they could do it became even harder. Not only was I physically challenged, tasked with having to look after my young sister but I was also emotionally challenged, I became extremely confused and I felt anxious 24/7 as I now knew how dangerous drugs were.”
How did these problems affect your day to day life?
“At the time it obviously really affected me emotionally, here was the person I should have been able to trust the most in my life, the person I could turn to when scared, yet I had no faith in her. Forming relationships therefore became very hard, I had understandably had trouble trusting others.
“On top of that, I had to continue in school as if nothing had happened when in reality things seemed to be falling apart. My sleeping pattern was also badly messed up, I got around three hours sleep at most at night and then I had to go into school, exhausted and put on a brave face in front of my teachers and friends for six hours every day. It was extremely draining”.
What help were you able to receive and how were you able to cope?
“Around two years later my grandparents took responsibility for my sister and I and we moved in permanently with them. I had also by this stage severed any ties I had with my mother. I was offered counselling like most kids in my situation but I didn’t find it helpful because all they ever focused on was my mum and what she had done rather than me and how I felt.
“The first few years I didn’t have a coping mechanism so I just kept all the emotions I was feeling to myself until I got to the age of about 13/14 when I started talking to friends about it. I learnt that speaking to them really helped because you get a certain type of release and feel like a weight has been lifted off your shoulders. That decision to speak out however, wasn’t one that was made lightly, nor should it be. You have to take responsibility in terms of who you choose to tell and weather you can fully trust them.
“Finding something to immerse myself in also really helped, in my case this happened to be science and sport. Having a focus tends to let our mind wander away from what you are worried about in the first place, it allows for a release of all the stress and angst built up inside you and I really enjoyed a welcome break from the background noise.”
What is your situation like now?
“My situation is ten times better than it was 8 years ago. I have a family that try extremely hard to give me the platform to have my own life and I have goals that I want to achieve which always keep me on the straight and narrow.
“I still admittedly have my flaws, it was almost impossible not to with the childhood I had. Things that are merely small worries for others engulf me and become massive stresses in my head. Something as small as getting the bus on time or making sure I have my house key in my blazer can set alarm bells ringing in my head.”
What advice would you give to someone in a similar position to you?
“The one piece of advice I wish someone had given me at that time was to be selfish. When you’re in a situation like mine the biggest thing holding you back is the thought of the affect your decisions will have on other people. If I had been selfish and thought about myself more at the time I would have told someone about my situation and saved myself two years of absolute hell.
“I would also say to someone be hopeful because even though at the time you’re probably in the worst place you will have ever been in it does shape the type of person you will become. In my case it has changed me for the better, I’ve seen with my own eyes an example of a person I know I don’t want to be and I will try everything within my power to ensure I don’t follow them and achieve what I want to achieve.”
A courageous story told by a very brave young girl we thank Hannah for choosing to “Make A Statement” and tell her story to BAM. *Hannah’s ‘s name has been changed to protect her identity.
Find Help
If you know someone with a drug addiction that needs help or are yourself affected by someone with an addiction please contact Addiction NI by calling 028 90664434 or emailing [email protected]. They are a registered charity who provide treatment and support for people who are dependent on alcohol or drug and also give confidential support for people affected by someone else’s drinking or drug use.