Our fourth installment of our ‘Life Through My Eyes’ series sees us chat with 17 year old Diana. When she casts her mind back to 2016 all she can see is a hospital ward. Shocked by the news of her mum being diagnosed with breast cancer young Diana only remembers the pain and that hurt that her and her mum faced at that time in that ward. She was perplexed at how an illness so severe could take down her mother who all her life had been fit and healthy. To make matters worse she was left as merely a spectator watching on as her mother underwent grueling chemotherapy, powerless to stop the cancer going away.
As if that wasn’t bad enough about a year later, just when things seemed to be getting better she was dealt another cruel blow when her dad got up and abruptly left the family leaving Diana confused and angry. Her worst nightmares imaginable had come true in the space of two short years and Diana obviously struggled to pick up the pieces with her mother’s struggles and the breakdown of her parents relationship taking a toil on her and leaving her wondering what could possible come next.
Two years on from that horrible night digesting the shock news in a hospital ward I arranged to meet Diana for an interview so that she can share her story on how she coped with her mother’s illness and her parents split at a young age. Here is Diana’s story.
This is Diana’s Life Through My Eyes story: My Worst Nightmares Come True
LM:What issues/problems have you faced in your life?
D: “One of, if not the biggest issue I have faced in my life is having to deal with the news that my mum had cancer. It was a sucker punch I didn’t see coming and I found it hard to come to terms with. It was of course a very difficult time in my life. I also have a difficult relationship with my dad and struggled a lot when he left, so much so that I still find it hard to talk about it today.”
When did they begin and when did they start to go downhill?
“My mum was diagnosed with breast cancer in January 2016. It came as a huge shock to my whole family as she is and always has been physically fit and healthy. She had surgery quickly near the end of January and was on chemotherapy until the end of June.
The hardest time for me was having to see my mum go through chemo and anyone who knows someone who has gone through it too knows just how difficult it is for both the patient and their close friends and family. Whilst that time is now thankfully behind us it has not been forgotten.
I have had a difficult relationship with my dad for a long time now. Even though I appreciate that he has done a lot for my brother and I which I am very grateful for we always had our problems. I never dwelt over or addressed my worries until I was forced to when my dad impulsively left my brother, mum and I with the intention of moving elsewhere in August 2017.
The abruptness shock of this situation was devastation. My dad left without any warning and I felt distraught and confused for a long period of time which even now I still struggle to think about.”
How did they affect your life?
“When my mum fell ill it affected my life in many ways. I found it hard to tell people what was going on in my life as I did not want other people’s sympathy. This lead to me bottling everything up to the point where I became frustrated and easily provoked. Eventually I came round and told my close friends about my situation which greatly relieved my conscience, however I soon became without doubt became more reclusive and completely unwilling to share my feelings.
Despite this it opened my eyes to how lucky I am to not have lost my mum to cancer and I am forever grateful not to have to go through what countless others have had to over the passing of a loved one. I know appreciate the concept of life and no longer take it for granted.
After the separation of my parents I was left to deal with the consequences “solo” as my only sibling was overseas studying. I struggled to go about rebuilding a relationship with my dad entirely alone and it tested my resolve in many ways.
This had a massive impact on my life as I suddenly went from living in a house of four to a house of two in the short space of about a month. At times I became lonely and countless felt frustrated at my situation. My stubborn attitude to not speaking about about how I felt didn’t help either.
I became extremely guarded about my personal life and only mentioned briefly to my friends what was happening in my life. I also became less trusting and extremely wary of new acquaintances. However, that all changed and I began to appreciate the people I had around me better. I decided that I couldn’t take the genuine and kind friends and family I had for granted as I realised that they were something that not everyone was lucky to have.
What help were you able to receive/how did you cope?
“We received help from many different places. Amazing organisations such as Macmillan Cancer supported my mum and countless others until her recovery. We also received help from our community with friends offering food, lifts and help to us all. I coped with the task of helping my mum in every way possible reasonably well. It comforted me to make her more relaxed and to amuse her in some way.
When my parents separated I received help from my family and friends which I am always grateful for, however there was a lot they were unable to help me with. To cope I had to distract myself with music, constantly listening to old classics that momentarily took me away from the harsh reality of my life at that time. Sport also helped me cope with both situations. I immersed myself in football and surfing which again helped me to escape from my own worries.”
What is your situation like now?
“Concerning my mum’s struggle with cancer she has made a complete recovery and is better than ever. Her illness is in the past which is a huge relief and looking back on that time I realise that it forced me to grow up very quickly and how that only made me stronger in the long run and my bond with my my mum unbreakable.
My situation now with my dad is good, not perfect but I wouldn’t expect it to be so early on. We have our differences which I have come to terms with and we try not to dwell on our past too much. I am still trying to get myself to open up more and not be so defensive. I can’t say what our relationship will be like in the future as I still have a lot to get over and digest which I am working on.”
What advice would you give to someone in the same position as you?
“The advice I would give to someone who knows someone diagnosed with cancer is that you are not alone. Although it may sound cliche it is the truth. It may seem hard but the best thing to do is try and talk to someone about how you feel. Try to avoid doing what I did at first, bottling everything up, expressing your emotions as I have learnt is not a sign of weakness.
There are also a myriad of charities out there that can support your family so I wouldn’t be afraid to reach out to any of them. Most importantly, you have to make do with what you have. Don’t take your time with someone for granted. I would say try and make the best of your situation no matter how hard it might be. Also, take some time to yourself too, your mental health is important. Make sure that you always reach out and speak to someone if you are worried or overwhelmed.
My advice to people whose parents have split up would be that it gets better. It might feel like the end of the universe at that moment but time truly is the best healer. Again, try to speak to someone about your situation, help is everywhere if you are willing to ask for it. If you are angry or upset with a member of your family that’s ok. However, sometimes you have to be the bigger person or ironically the ‘adult’ in the situation and try as best as you can to forgive and forget.
You have every right to be upset and angry but try not to write people off completely. Over time you might want to rekindle your relationship with said family member who was once close to you. Most importantly you are not alone. So many others go through the same thing and many out there understand exactly what you are going through, stay strong it will get better.”
We thank Diana for choosing to “Make A Statement” and tell her story to BAM. *Diana’s name has been changed to protect her identity. I am so glad to say that she and her mum are now doing amazingly well and that Diana is enjoying her life, living it to the fullest with friends and family.
If you know someone suffering from cancer or is struggling to cope with a family member’s cancer fight please don’t hesitate to contact one of these organisations who are more than happy to help.
MacMillan- Tel:0808 808 0000
Cancer Focus- Tel: 028 9066 3281
Email: [email protected]
Action Cancer- Tel: 028 9080 3344
Email [email protected]