We’re really excited to be introducing our new Northern Ireland columnist Mary-Jane who owns the forthcoming blog The Art Of Wife. To give us an idea of what she’s launching later this month, here’s a taste of what the blog will contain:
So like millions every year my hubby makes many many resolutions, always the same, exercise more, eat healthy and cut down on eating chocolate and sweets.
This normally lasts until mid day January 1st, but sadly it’s repeated every god-damn day for the rest of the year. I have had to learn self hypnosis to avoid killing him when he tells me again how from tomorrow he’s going to stick to plan.
Now I know that might seem somewhat unsupportive of me, but I defy anyone living in my shoes to feel any different.
Day 1
He goes to work with oranges, apples, bananas, grapes, fresh salad sandwiches and some rice cakes. He returns home a few hours later, unpacks all his lunch into the fridge for “tomorrow” and proceeds to have some southern fried chicken and chips!!
We have fruit pouring out of bowls, yogurts stacked professionally in the fridge and the obligatory bag of celery for snacking hidden in the vegetable tray. And in his defence he does eat it all but in the name of good god how am i meant to respond when he then appears eating a family size bag of crisps cradled by a large bar of whole nut telling me that he can’t rush into a full lifestyle change…..It’s only been one fecking day!!
Day 2
Pure devastation when he gets on the scales and see’s he has gained a pound or two. So again he takes his “healthy” lifestyle back in control and confirms that he’s ready, now he’s focused and serious. So much so he calls me late afternoon to say he’s going to the gym and he’ll be late home.
He does indeed arrive home later than usual, but it then transpires he actually sat in the carpark outside the gym and had a McDonalds as he was so hungry after work, and turns out after the burger he didn’t much feel like working out so instead decided to come home….wait for it……come home for DINNER!!
Day 3
He’s going to try supplement drinks, they apparently reduce appetite are filled with all the nutrients he needs and he got the chocolate flavoured one so it would hit his sweet spot. That’s him off, motivated all shaked up and ready to do this….until 11am when he uses his Shake to wash down a “little” 7 piece fried breakfast.
Day 4
Shakes aren’t the thing for him so he puts in a request for pasta dinners, every night he tells me he is just going to live off the stuff. Cold pasta for lunch, warm pasta for dinner. Only problem is he hates pasta so by the time the cold lunch is finished and he comes home for his pasta dinner I can actually see the tears in his eyes… two forks of pasta and he tells me he’s “full” and is off to bed, probably to cry (or eat a secret stash)
Day 5
I like to call this his “self awareness day” the day he brings home buns, cakes, biscuits, crisps, chocolate bars and any other sweet treat that he has walked past that day. He falls into comfy chair and starts to eat and when I look at him with a tinge of a smirk he simply says “I’m fed up of all this dieting it’s just not for me”
Day 6
Rest day
Day 7
See day 1 and repeat for the next 365 days
Cheers Mary-Jane!