New research has revealed that 82% of parents in Northern Ireland experience guilt when it comes to raising their children, with parents feeling guilty four times a week on average. This equates to an astonishing 17 times per month or 210 times per year.
The study, which was conducted amongst parents in the UK by leading name label manufacturer My Nametags
(https://www.mynametags.com/), found that parents in Northern Ireland are the most likely to be afflicted by parental guilt of any country in the UK, compared to 79% of parents in England, 77% in Wales and 63% in Scotland.
Interestingly, women are more likely to suffer this than men, with British mums feeling guilty eight times more per month than dads on average.
The most common cause of parental guilt in Northern Ireland is allowing children to have too much screen time, with more than half of parents feeling guilty for letting their youngsters spend too much time on their iPads or in front of the TV. This is followed by parents being caught on their phone instead of concentrating on their children (45%), not spending enough time with their children (36%), losing their temper (3%) and not organising enough hobbies for them (27%).
This contrasts to attitudes towards parenting elsewhere in the UK, with parents in the North East of England more likely to feel guilty about not helping their children with their homework (53%) and those in London fearing they don’t play with their children enough (38%).
Brits also sweat the small stuff, with some parents reporting feeling guilty about not mending their children’s clothes when they get damaged, writing their children’s name in their clothing instead of sewing in a name label and not ironing all of their clothing.
It is mums who are more likely to worry about these small details, with women regularly feeling guilty about not buying their children the latest clothes and not making school play costumes themselves. Dads, on the other hand, are more likely to fret over asking other people to look after their children because they are too busy and not tucking them in at night.
However, the study found that this guilt is often disproportionate. While almost half of British parents feel guilty about losing their temper, only 38% believe this negatively impacts their children. Similarly, while over a quarter feel guilty about giving their children quick and easy meals, only 1% think this genuinely effects their children’s wellbeing, demonstrating that parents even feel guilty about things that they don’t believe have an impact on their children.
Commenting on the findings, Parenting Expert Bea Marshall said: “Guilt is common among all parents and yet it actually makes it harder for us to parent in the ways we aspire. Guilt stems from our fears that how we raise our children may impact their futures. These may be fears about physical and mental health, relationships and social success or financial independence. Our worries may also be related to what others think of us and our children.
“There is no such thing as a perfect parent and fears that we are falling short lead to guilt. The differences we see between males and females are likely due to multiple factors such as differences in parenting responsibilities and professional commitments, but also due to the different ways men and women navigate parenting. Women often carry a full mental load leading to constant thinking and emotional responses, whereas men are more likely to think about, and act on, one thing at a time leading to a smaller emotional response.”
With current COVID-19 restrictions placing families under new and unique pressures, these levels of guilt are at an all-time high. In fact, almost three quarters of UK parents are feeling additional guilt due to the lockdown measures, despite having no control over the situation. The most common reasons are how bored their children are (31%), that they can’t spend time with relatives (26%), keeping them indoors (26%), and not home schooling them properly (25%). Interestingly, 10% of UK parents also admitted to feeling guilty that they are not enjoying the extra time they are getting to spend with their children, with men feeling more guilty about this than women.
Lars B Andersen, Managing Director at My Nametags comments: “At My Nametags, we speak to hundreds of thousands of parents every year. With the current global situation putting parents under more pressure than ever before, we were interested in exploring the concept of parental guilt.
“We were intrigued to find that parents from all areas of the UK feel guilty about a huge number of things, from not spending enough time with their children, to not ironing their clothes. We hope that our research highlights that there is no need for parents to be so hard on themselves, and that opting for convenience, such as using stick-on name labels or cooking using pre-prepared ingredients, will not have a negative impact on their children, and may save them an awful lot of stress.”
To find out more about My Nametags and how we can help make a parent’s life just a little bit easier, visit https://www.mynametags.com/blog/2020/05/exploring-parental-guilt/